Slow sex, more pleasure? Because we can?

I had a friend visiting me from Australia, and we went for a long walk to catch up with what was going on in our lives, and it was great, and at some point, she asked if we could go to my place… Who am I to say no 🙂 

We came back, and she started touching and caressing me while I sat in a chair, trying to book my hotel for my conference. We both stopped a lot to think about what we both wanted. It is easy to fall into “going with the program” or continuing to do what was already started, and very awkward for many people to take a break to think about what exactly they want to do at the time. With my friends, we practice that a lot, and many very subtle wishes and desires come up. More importantly, we learn to refrain from continuing things we wanted 5 minutes ago but not right now. 

She put me on the bed and very slowly and gently touched and caressed my feet. Sometimes she would hold them in her arm or her mouth. It’s surprising how we are constantly used to “action,” “completion,” “reciprocation,” or other types of predetermined actions that could be used during the encounter. It is much easier to do than non-doing, and I think it’s a big problem of modern fashion to have sex. If you stop, you are weird. You look like you are frigid if you say you don’t want something anymore and take a break to think about something you want at the moment. If you don’t want your pussy to be touched by anything but the cock that day, you get the label of “cold” and “disliking oral” right away. Or if I only want fingers, you get labeled as “not wanting or liking penetration.” Think about a comparison situation you are going through the day, and then suddenly, someone puts on the musical piece and wants you to listen. If you want to listen to it another time, or not at all, you can get a label “not liking music.” Boy, how many labels did I get in my life by saying precisely what I wanted at that exact moment? They are usually put thoughtlessly and without any consideration. I like music, just not this one, not right now, not like this, and is “music” just this composition? If I don’t laugh at your joke, maybe it means I’m not in the state to laugh at it, or perhaps it wasn’t funny? Does that mean I don’t have a sense of humor? I can continue forever. 

She held her lips and hands on my feet, and we could freeze at the moment and listen to how our entire bodies were responding to this touch. We were in no rush, on in no reciprocation frenzy. We just appreciated the moment. 

After laying down for a while, just looking into each other’s eyes and without talking, just slowly touching and holding our hands on one, I asked her if I could lick her. By the way, I distinctively do not like the expression “eating pussy” or “eating it out”; it just sounds weird to me, as there is no eating process. You don’t want me to eat dick or eat your nipple, do you? Why then eating pussy, I don’t know…

I asked her if I could lick her pussy. She said, “You can lick everything you want.” Pretty clear and a turn-on. I very slowly kissed her under her tits (they are beautiful), sometimes just gently and very slowly squeezing them, sometimes just holding them or locking my lips on some parts of them. Didn’t touch the nipples. We have this thing with my girlfriends when we ask one another about the “most popular spot,” like touching or sucking on the nipples or clitoris, as it’s the most common areas that are touching/sucked/went for like there are no other 1000 areas in the body that are sensitive. 

I kissed her knees, and above it, and under… Ran my tongue through them. It always feels weird when the process of licking starts with “kiss the lips,” “kiss the neck,” and “kiss the tits, if you kissed one, you HAVE TO kiss another (why, by the way? Yet another unwritten rule? She will get jealous??)”, kiss the belly, kiss the tip of the pussy, kiss the thighs, and then straight to the clitoris… Oh, those pesky rules. What if I kiss the undertint, then the knee, then suck on the toe, lock my lips on her lips, and just lay down thinking what else I want? Horrible… I need to finish what I started. Sex didn’t happen if it wasn’t following the rules. 

She had a beautiful everything, and I just pressed my face against her panties and felt the subtle aroma. I put my lips on one side of her bigger lips and just touched with my lips. I opened my mouth wide to get the entire side of her pussy in it, and I held it first and then very gently sucked on it. I then pulled out and stroked the inner part of her thigh with my hand. I was just enjoying looking at her, at every single beautiful part of her body. The inner thigh, that plump part outside of the pussy, the gentle curve that comes down to the buttock. Her knee and around it. It was beautiful. Imagine you do something to someone, slow it down 20 times, and take breaks in the middle. You can feel every single stroke, every inch of the skin; you can freeze at the moment and experience how the rest of the body responds to every moment, sometimes even having strong experiences in seemingly unrelated parts of the body. 

I pulled the pansies away slowly, making sure it wouldn’t hurt her when I did so. It’s easy to make it unpleasant that way. For a second, I just pressed my lips over the opening and held it there for a bit. I then started to suck on her outer lips extremely gently, sometimes making the sucking movements, sometimes just running my tongue on their tips. Imagine you are trying to suck on someone’s pussy lips, and then imagine you are doing it ten times slower and ten times lighter. That is how it was. I slowly put my tongue inside her hole, the tip of it, and held it there. It took a while since I moved on. While keeping the tip of my tongue in her beautiful pussy, I put my lips around her entire pussy. I waited longer until pressing my mouth a bit harder. 2/10, as opposed to 1/20. I continued, with many stops while just holding my mouth on her, to alternate licking her lips and gently sucking on them. Ten times slower than people usually would. Then I would put my entire mouth on her entire pussy and gently suck… That is when I felt she started to slowly rock in tune with my movements, subtly rubbing herself onto my face. We went like that for a while… It was a very subtle and tender, slow and very open pleasure that we shared. She didn’t feel pressured to reciprocate. I didn’t feel pressured to do anything faster or stronger or to make her cum. It’s a different level of pleasure that I truly appreciate.

We kept going for quite a while. The time completely stopped, I believe, for both of us. She said she liked that I was caressing her pussy, like I was teasing her, and at the same time, wasn’t rushing anything, and looked like I was enjoying it for the sake of enjoying it. Not for the sake of making her cum eventually, not for the sake of making myself feel good because I was doing a “great job,” and not for the sake of hearing some moans as a confirmation that I have done a “great job” by getting her close to orgasm. Not for the reciprocation. For the very and every moment, I was doing it. I was clearly doing it for the both of us, but not on the level of “I do a great job, make you cum, then you do a great job, you make me cum”. I cum easily, but frequently I don’t want it to be the goal. 

I want just that slow appreciation, no expectation. I get it; being an escort applies some rule-following. I would totally enjoy myself as well if I’m experiencing quick orgasms and making you cum. I will enjoy faster action, too, as it’s just another part of the experience. 

I also would reach out and try to experience that slow, 20-times slower, appreciative, and no-expectations action that I have described. 

Slow doesn’t mean boring or frigid. Very, extremely slow doesn’t either. There are so many layers to sexuality, sensuality, or intimacy that we’d be remiss sticking to predetermined scenarios or even more subtle, but just as rigid, rules of how we should be intimate with each other. No, if you kissed one of my tits, there’s no rule that you have to kiss another. No, if you want to lick my pussy, you don’t need to go through that entire route from my mouth to it. No, if you start having sex when your cock is in the pussy, there is no rule where you have to just keep it as opposed to staying quiet or even falling asleep in one another’s arms. No, you don’t necessarily need to take all your clothes off. There is just one rule, to be open and attentive to yourself and your partner, and it’s a skill to achieve, like when we strengthen a weak muscle in the gym. 

There’s an enormously deep and endless way to enjoy it. And stopping, slowing down, and not following scenarios is a powerful way to understand ourselves and our partner. 

Coming to an escort and not going through 5 positions is just fine. Not coming is fine. Just talking is okay. We are supposed to enjoy ourselves and each other, no? Everything is fine as soon as we leave each other with a feeling that something we did that day added to the feeling of our life’s richness and the power of intimacy. 

Go slow, listen to yourself, and enjoy what intimacy has to give us. I will. Some ask me what tantric sex is about. Well, that is about slowing down, listening to our psyche and our sexuality, and learning how to trust it—understanding how we can get away from the unwritten rules and reinvent our own sexualities and how mine and yours can get along together.  

Slow and soft kisses,